...I'd book a flight on the Virgin Galactic Spaceship...

Okay, so this one could possibly be a colossal joke by Sir Richard Branson. But I'm just going to go ahead and assume that it's not.

Who doesn't want to go into space? Astronauts, cosmonauts, elementary school kids, Lance Bass and that really rich old man all do. Why wouldn't I? Pretty much my theory in life is: If it's good enough for elementary school kids and Lance Bass, it's good enough for me.

In the past (and as of now) only astronauts, cosmonauts and their equivalents from other countries could venture to space (oh, and Denis Tito). But within in the next few years that will all change thanks to the man who brought us solo albums from former Spice Girls, Gerri Halliwell and Victoria Beckham. Sir Richard Branson, The Rebel Billionaire.

I'm sure you have heard of, and maybe even flown, Sir Branson's airlines: Virgin Atlantic and Virgin America. Well, now the Virgin enterprise has a new member: Virgin Galactic. Virgin Galactic is a new deal. This time around they are offering flights for the "average" person to outer space. While it is not yet up and running for public use, the spaceships are being designed, built and tested as we speak in the Mohave Desert. Which is also where the first official, public flights will depart from. There is no official deadline for launch as they are trying to ensure that the spaceships are as safe as possible.

When the Virgin Galactic fleet finally does launch it will entail a 3 day information and training period before take-off and will send passengers off into space for a short period of time. Giving them the ability to experience zero gravity, the opportunity to finally see the earth from the outside. Oh and passengers will also get humongous bragging rights after.

After reading all of the above, give me one good reason why I wouldn't want to take a trip into outer space with Virgin Galactic! Oh? I didn't give you all the information? I left out the price, that's right. Well there's a minimum deposit of $20,000.00 and then tickets cost a mere $200,000.00.

So again, I ask you: why shouldn't I book my flight to space?

And you know what? If I wasn't so poor I would book a flight on the Virgin Galactic Spaceship!

I'd be fancy and have a box spring and frame for my mattress...

The above photo is of my pretentious roommate, Julie's, new mattress set--complete with mattress, box spring and bed frame. Okay, so, granted, until last week Julie had been sleeping on an old pull-out-couch mattress for two months. Actually, that was before she slept on two Tibetan floor mats surrounded by throw pillows (but that was only for like 2 weeks--big deal).

Alright, I might be a little bitter about Julie's new bed. But that's only because after nearly 3 months I am still sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Why? Well, because, as you might have guessed--I'm poor. Fortunately, my former roommate gave me her old mattress or I'd be in real trouble deep.

Okay, so I do have money in my account to buy a box spring and bed frame, it's just that they're usually so expensive that I am not willing to spend a months rent on them. Also, I'm having a hard time finding just a box spring. Places like Mancini's Sleep World and Mattress Giant may provide free frames, but only seem to sell singular mattresses or mattress sets. Not box springs alone. And I'm definitely not going to buy a whole mattress set when I already have a perfectly adequate mattress.

I'm also incredibly lazy. I could easily go on craigslist and get a cheap used one (I'm not above putting my mattress on top of a mysterious box spring) but, like I said, I'm incredibly lazy. Even for a $15 box spring and an equally cheap basic, metal frame, I put up a fuss about going and picking them up. I'm a terrible, problematic person, I know.

What I'm really looking for is for someone to find (and pay for if each item is over 50 bucks), pick-up and deliver to me a twin box spring and frame.

So basically the title of this post should be: "I'd be fancy and have a new box spring and frame for my mattress..." Because it's pretty much just my laziness that's preventing me from being fancy and getting a box spring and frame to go with my mattress.

The photo below is of my mattress. You should also know that I do not have a dresser either...I keep my clothing on top, in and around a large suitcase. I need to get my act together.

I'd get the Neiman Marcus Cupcake Car...

Neiman Marcus

It's that time of year again. The Neiman Marcus Christmas Book is out and filled with all the gifts and wonders that only Neiman Marcus could offer. Included in this big book of opportunity is a $1,795 Donna Karan dress, a $250 pair of Ralph Lauren Rain Boots, and a $12,000 Michelle Brand Sustainable Design Art Chandelier. But none of those items are what we are here to discuss. The most fantastic item available this year is the $25,000 Customized Cupcake Car.

Complete with a matching hat, these sweet (yes, that pun was intended) vehicles were designed by East Bay resident, Lisa Pongrace and her design firm Pomegrante Gardens. They debuted at Burning Man in 2004 and are now available to all via Neiman Marcus. This gift from God (and by "God" I mean "Neiman Marcus") is electrically powered and can zoom down the sidewalk at a tremendous 7mph.

Now I know, I could get a number of other cars for $25,000 or less; for example, I could get a 2009 Honda Civic Hybrid for $23,650 or a 2009 Jeep Wrangler Unlimited for $23,065--less than one of those delicious Cupcake Cars but where's the fun in those. Sure, I could take those "real" cars on the road and carry passengers and packages, but they don't come with matching hats. Their prices also don't include the opportunity to customize their exteriors as my favorite cupcake flavor.

If I wasn't so poor I wouldn't buy myself a useless car that goes over 10mph, I'd buy myself one of those yummy Cupcake Cars from Neiman Marcus.

If you're interested, call 1.877.9NM.GIFT for details!

Note: I haven't decided what flavor I'd get yet. This is an important decision, don't rush me! I'll let you know when I make my decision.

I'd buy more stuff at the Renaissance Faire...

So, several weeks ago four friends and I made a trip to the Northern California Renaissance Faire (from here on out we shall simply refer to it as "the Ren Faire,"simply because I have a hard time spelling "renaissance") in Hollister for a day of pageantry, revelry and romance. Now this was not my first venture to the Ren Faire (we're keeping the "e" at the end of "faire" to preserve the old-timey experience). When I was little my mom took me annually, but I hadn't been in quite a few years.

Because I had only been to the Ren Faire once since my time of mooching off my mom as a child, I had not realized just how costly the 1500's were. As a kid my mom had bought me a little dried flower tiara and treated herself to a couple of fancy feather hair clips (which I have since lifted from her to wear in my own hair). When I went a few years ago I had only purchased some food and a soda and my ticket was free so I was still pretty much in the dark as far as prices went.

I really should have anticipated some of the prices that I would encounter once I saw the ticket prices. Now, $25.00 for an adult ticket may not seem all that steep, but keep in mind that despite that fancy "e" at the end of it, the Ren Faire is still just a fair. Granted it does have a bunch of people dressed up in period garb, speaking in clever, Shakespearian style double-entendres, jousting, fencing and performing a variety of shows. Oh, they also have those turkey legs.

Regardless of the above (yes, even the turkey legs), the ticket price is probably a bit much for a fair, (even one with an "e" at the end) I really shouldn't have had such sticker shock.

The price gouging didn't hit me until we went into the first stand. This vendor was selling a variety of things from period accurate clothing to home and garden decorations. It was a dispute between my friends and I trying to decide if this decorative corset (on the left) on display was just that, for display or as I contended--for wearing, that brought the price tags to light. Now I never saw the actual price of that garment because I saw the price of the smaller (this one clearly for decorative purposes only) one (on the right)--$255.00. I was too scared to see the other price after that. Okay, so these are clearly works of art that deserve to have prices that reflect that. This post isn't really about disputing whether or not the items for sale deserve their prices--it's about the fact that the Ren Faire is packed with things way out of my price range, especially for a fair(e). And although I put up quite a fuss about wanting to wear the purple one, looking at the picture now, I might concede defeat by admitting that maybe, it too, is decorative--But that's not really that important.

The corsets weren't the only expensive things. I wanted to get my mom a piece of jewelery...too bad all of the decent pieces were over 50 bucks. Oh! And there were Harry Potter magic wands! But those were pretty pricey too.

Okay, so I did cave, I bought a fantastic feather hair clip for $12.00, which normally I would never do...but whatever, don't judge me. I wear it a lot.

So all-in-all we had a great time, but none of us bought much more than food and drink because everything was far too expensive. So if I wasn't so poor I'd buy more stuff from the Ren Faire...starting with that fantastic corset.

Copyright: Zoe Landis

My friends and I after our day of pageantry, revelry and romance.

Note: Corset photos, copyright: Rhiannion Barbour.

...I'd decorate my house with stuff from Paxton Gate.

Growing up, my mom filled our house with everything Disney. Decorative, collectible plates? Had 'em, for every princess movie. Various sets of various Disney character figurines? Had those too. Categorized by movie, no less. Holiday decorations? Yep. Christmas tree bulbs? Check. Novelty holiday figurines? Check. Snow globes for every movie and holiday? Check, check. Blankets, posters and paintings? Oh yes. Even my room. First it was The Little Mermaid theme then, Jasmine from Aladdin theme, followed by a Winnie the Pooh motif. My mom's room, while she didn't rock the character bedspreads like I did, the knick-knacks that adored her dresser and wall hangings were all Snow White. When we had a guest room in one place, for whatever reason, it had a somewhat nautical theme...but that's neither here nor there. The point is, everything was Disney....although I have tried, I'm not sure I can ever convey to anyone who wasn't there the amount of Disney regalia we had in our house, no matter where we were living.

While I will always have a fondness for Disney, I am currently on an expedition to watch all of my favorite classics. I have no intention of recreating much of the above. I have decided on a drastically different style to attend to. What is this style? Anything Paxton Gate. Okay, I know, Paxton Gate, not cheap--but I don't plan on remaining so poor forever. So let's put our imagination to work here!

Located in the Mission District on Valencia Street, Paxton Gate is a gardening and landscaping store which draws its inspiration from the natural world and sciences. The natural sciences being entomology (basically pinning bugs to things and hanging 'em up), skulls and bones and taxidermy. Paxton Gate offers a slew of items from materials to post your own insects, to individual rodent bones or skulls, to taxidermy supplies to taxidermied animals. Of course they also offer an abundance of plants and gardening supplies--but I do not possess much of a green thumb, so I focus on the other things.

Of course, like everything in life, especially those things that are featured on this blog, there are prices associated with these items. Many of those prices are steep. But who wouldn't love to have a Gentleman Mink on their entry hall table? Or better yet, who isn't currently pining for that perfect Taxidermy Lion Mount to go above the fireplace? If you've got the money, $500.00 and $3,500.00 shouldn't stand in your way of owning such fine art. I just don't feel like enough people appreciate the art of taxidermy. You just don't see enough Taxidermy Mice Wedding Cake Toppers. And for $186, I don't understand why not.

And what's better! Just like my childhood room incorporated the house decor, with a Paxton Gate product theme, I can do the same for my future children, with Paxton Gate's kids line!

One day, when I'm not so poor, I'll decorate my house with Paxton Gate gear. It won't be the Disney theme my mom started, or filled with the cat regalia my family seems to think I enjoy so much, but with my own design. One that will give my kids and their friends nightmares for years. If I wasn't so poor, I'd start my Paxton Gate collection now. After all, it took my mom years to accumulate all of those knick-knacks, plates, wall art and bedding.

Paxton Gate

...I'd go on the InSight Onsite tour of Fallingwater.

I have always had an appreciation for architecture. I was dead set on becoming an architect in the seventh grade, and then a couple of years ago I took two courses on the history of architecture, the first being the beginning of known architecture to the Romantic Era and the second, the Romantic Era to modern times. During our study of modern architecture and architects we covered everyone from the Bauhaus to I.M Pei to Frank Gehry to Alvar Aalto and, of course, Frank Lloyd Wright.

Ah, Frank Lloyd Wright...Who's that? You don't know much about him? Well, let me provide you with the skinny (and you should probably check out that nifty link for more info and photos!). First of all, the man has his own stamp. He's kind of a big deal. With more than 1,000 projects and over 500 completions between the early 1900s and the 1960s, he was dubbed by the American Institute of Architects as "the greatest American architect of all time" in 1991. Like I said, he's a big deal. The Guggenheim in New York, The Johnson Wax Administration Building in Wisconsin, and Fallingwater in Pennsylvania (which is what I'm really here to discuss)...all designed by Mr. Wright. Even some Bay Area spots were designed by Frankie, like The Marin County Civic Center and the V.C. Morris Gift Shop, right here in San Francisco.

Okay, back to the purpose of this post. Fallingwater. Possibly Wright's most famous building. Commissioned in the early 1930s by a former student's parents. Fallingwater was to be built over the family's favorite camping spot in Bear Run, Pennsylvania, which happened to be adjacent to a waterfall. The family wanted the house to sit near the waterfall and have some of its natural elements incorporated. Mr. Wright listened. Fallingwater is situated beautifully, cantilevering over the waterfall. The entire building, including the interior, was designed by Wright and influenced by the surrounding environment. Lucky for all of us, the family no longer lives in the home and it is now a National Historic Landmark--which is more good news for us.

Because the house is a landmark it is open for tours. Like most museums, there are different tours, for a variety of prices, available. The most basic, and affordable, at $18.00 for adults, is the the Regular Tour. This is a guided, hour-long tour of the grounds and interior of the house. From the Regular Tour the prices increase. Next up is the In-Depth Tour for $55.00, which is also guided; this one, however, lasts about two hours and provides more information on the design and construction of the home as well as access to other closed-off parts of the house. The last of the general tours are the Sunset and Brunch Tours for $100.00 each, in which a guided tour of the house and grounds is given followed by, depending on which tour, either hors d'oeuvres or brunch in the house. Family and Focus Tours are also offered.

I might consider all of the above if doing if I were on a vacation in the area simply for the experience of being in such an innovative and magnificent structure. However, there is soon to be, a brand new tour offered. InSight Onsite. InSight Onsite is a three-day seminar which allows you to not only tour the house and grounds but spend one day and two evenings in the masterpiece as it was orignially intended. Although you actually spend the night in another house on the grounds, you spend your day and two evenings hanging around the house relaxing. On the second evening a cocktail party is held and a dinner with discussion on art and architecture with a special guest. The main purpose of this new venture is to deepen visitors' understanding and appreciation of Fallingwater. But of course, to get this deeper understanding, you will have to pay the price. $1,195 is the price. Of course, things can always cost more, so if you want your own room in that on-the-grounds-but-not-Fallingwater house, you'll have to shell out $1,595.

I am choosing to ignore the price of traveling to and staying in Pennslyvania when I say that I would pay for any of the other tours. However, how could I possibly ignor that on top of the price of the InSight Onsite tour. There's no way your average Joe could afford that experience, no matter how interested in architecture or Frank Lloyd Wright he might be.

Fortunately for me, and unlike my previous posts, I have a solution to this problem. And this solution is my roommate, Julie. Approximately eighteen years ago, Julie's parents moved little Julie and her brother and sister from Switzerland to California and purchased a home in Camarillo. Shortly after moving her parents decided that they wanted to tear down and rebuild the place, so they took the blueprints to an architect. This architect studied these blueprints and came to realize that what he had in his hands was a blueprint from none other than Frank Lloyd Wright. So with this knowledge the house obviously couldn't be destroyed. You just don't tear down and rebuild a Frank Lloyd Wright house. You just don't. So now, instead of hauling my cookies all the way out to Pennslyvania, I can just take a trip down south and stay in Julie's Frank Lloyd Wright house. For free. Lucky me.

Of course, if I wasn't so poor, I'd go on the InSight Onsite tour of Fallingwater....If I wasn't so poor.

...I'd shop at the Neiman Marcus Outlet

With up to 65% savings on your favorite brands and labels, who doesn't love shopping at outlet stores? Whether it's The Gap Outlet, Guess? Factory Direct, Bath & Body Works Outlet, Betsy Johnson, Saks Fifth Avenue OFF 5th, or the Samsonite Factory Outlet, you can find an outlet for almost any designer, brand or store. And with those awesome markdowns you can really get some great things on the cheap at places like The Gap and Bath & Body Works outlets; you can even find items at reasonable prices from designers like Michael Kors. An even bigger perk of outlet shopping is that they're nearly always located in malls dedicated to factory direct outlets, so you can go to one place for great steals.

Now despite my frugality and financial situation, I can usually afford to shop at these amazing stores every once and a while and get a few things. Not true for the Neiman Marcus Last Call Clearance Center--or in other words, the Neiman Marcus outlet.

Neiman Marcus carries everything high-end and high-class. If you see it on the runway, red carpet, or Oprah's Favorite Things, they probably have it. For a pretty penny, too. Whether it's Christian Louboutin's Glitter Sling Back Heel in silver, which make me want to cry and wish it was New Years all year round for $775, "Britto" Butterfly Luggage from $200 to $350, or an average-looking Kimberly Wolcott Rosary that makes me consider converting to Catholism, for $135. You can find almost anything you might want at Neiman Marcus,if you are willing to pay the price--quite literally.

Their Last Call Clearance store is similar. They carry most of the same things the actual store has. Maybe the items are a season late, or they could just be overstocked. Now despite my raving on behalf of the outlets, Neiman Marcus' is a completely different story. Their items are so expensive already, even if you found something for 65% off, chances are the item would still be more expensive than you would be willing to pay.

As this blog explains, I'm poor. Even with a 65% price cut, I can't afford to pay $271.25 for a pair of shoes, no matter how glorious and glittery they may be. And that's the best price I can hope for. Not everything is 65% off--most things aren't, in fact. Many things aren't even discounted; items that run lower than 200, often aren't.

If I wasn't so poor I'd fulfill my expensive taste and pay extra to shop at the Neiman Marcus Last Chance Clearance Center. But never, ever, would I shop at Neiman Marcus proper....In the meantime, when I need a cocktail dress, stationery and a smoked meat basket, I'll just stop by Wal-Mart. Oh, and all three of those things are also available through Neiman Marcus, just in case you're interested.

...I'd get a life-sized sculpture of myself in LEGOS

So there's very little in life that I enjoy more than contemplating why the wealthy spend their money on what they spend it on...okay, so there are quite a few things I enjoy more than that...alright, so it's in the top fifty. Things that fascinate me, but I can't quite figure out why someone would buy, include: Segways, giant compounds, fireworks shows (how many small nations could you have fed with that money?) and multi-thousand dollar bags...to name a few.

However, I have finally found something that I completely understand the purchase of. A life-sized sculpture of myself in LEGOS! Why would I want a sculpture of myself in LEGOS? Why wouldn't I? For one thing, I could use it to occupy one of my vacant rooms in my compound. For another, people would automatically know that I have a ton of money and like me. Also, who doesn't love LEGOS? I understand that I could get a sculpture of something else, but there really isn't anything I'd rather look at than another me.

Let me guess, you're interested in purchasing one yourself now but you want to know a few more details. Easy peasy. I did a little research on the matter. First, you want to know who creates these magnificent pieces of art; well, I found two. First I found a man named Erich Harshbarger. He is now focusing on 2D mosaics and murals, but if your commission is interesting enough, he'll pick it up. Or you can look into The Brick Artist, Nathan Sawaya. He's who I'd go to. If you've got the money, he'll do pretty much anything. How do I know? I asked him. I wanted to know just how much money I would need to have my new dream of having a life-sized sculpture of myself done in LEGOS, so I filled out a "potental project estimate" form. Just a few hours later I got a friendly email back stating that my dream could become a reality for only $22,500.

I'll let that price tag sink in for a minute....Okay, so it's a bit steep, but if I wasn't so poor, I'd do it. Never mind the fact that that is more than a year's tuition and expenses, or that I could buy a nice car, or pay off my loans, medical and credit card bills or maybe even feed a small community. But in defense of my new friend Nathan (after filling out that form and getting a friendly email back, I feel like we're close enough for me to call him a friend), he needs to buy all of those bricks, not to mention the required labor and creativity it takes to create a one-of-a-kind sculpture. Plus, it seems like, if need be, he could complete it pretty quickly. Maybe you're wondering how much Erich charges. I didn't contact him, but his description of prices was pretty vague. A human sized sculpture would cost "a few thousand dollars." So sure, my boy Nathan seems to be a bit more expensive, but he looks so nice and he told me to "take care" at the end of his email. How could I not be team Sawaya?

All in all, if I wasn't so poor I would buy a life-sized sculpture of myself in LEGOS. From Nathan Sawaya.

PS: I tried to find an appropriate photo of a life-sized LEGO sculpture from either Erich Harshbarger or Nathan Sawaya, but I was unsuccessful in my efforts. If I can get my hands on one, I'll post it.

...I'd get health insurance

If I wasn't so poor I'd get health insurance.
HMO, PPO? Oh no...

Seeing as I'm in college, surviving on Financial Aid and a part-time job, paying for my medical bills (from when I did have insurance), a credit card, rent, utilities, food, books...monthly Muni pass...I can't afford luxuries like a car, an iPhone, fancy labels or health insurance. I get to rely on the University's Student Health Center--weekdays from 8 to 5 for non-emergencies...

I think Charlie from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia said it best: "Hey, look at me! I'm a millionaire who goes to see doctors!" Okay, Okay, Okay...so health insurance isn't really that expensive, I mean, Blue Shield and Kaiser Permanente have some reasonably priced plans. My problem? Take Blue Shield's deductible plan: the least expensive goes for $52 a month, but that includes a $2,900 deductible that you'll have to reach before they'll pay 60%. And then there's always the risk that you might find out you have a "pre-existing condition," then they won't pay anything. OR you could go with a co payment plan from Kaiser, where the cheapest plan is $175.00 a month, no deductible, office visits are $50, but prescriptions of any sort aren't covered....you'd really have to plan on needing a lot of medical attention to make that worth it (and hope that you could skimp on the antibiotics or painkillers)....oh, and did I mention? The starting premium of $175/mo is only for qualified males 19-24...

Why aren't I covered by my parents' insurance?...Easy, my mom's poor too. And why don't I go get Medi-Cal ? Well, I'm not over 65 and I passed that "under 21" stipulation. I'm also not blind, disabled or pregnant....although, I have been screened for cervical cancer...but I think you need to have it to qualify...I'm starting to kick myself for becoming "One Less."

If I wasn't so poor I would get something from Blue Shield's "Rich Benefits" coverage (get it??!!), like the "Active Start Plan 35" for monthly rates starting at $145 (for healthy males 19-24, of course), no deductible and they cover most prescriptions--just to name the plan's positives...But, alas, I am poor, so I'll stick with fitting my illnesses into weekdays between 8 and 5 and I'll figure something new out after graduation, like trying that "walk it off" method I've heard so much about.